Wishing You Were Here
by Obsidian4
Summary: Yamato was moved away from Tai without even saying goodbye. When they meet again, Yamato is broken. Can Tai help him? And more importantly, will Yamato let himself heal? *Yaoi, Angst and Language warning*
1. Without Your Love

**Wishing you were Here**

**Chapter 1 - Without your Love**

A/N  Hey everybody, this is my first fic so please be gentle! Constructive criticism is okay... Please review and tell me how I can improve! 

"Yamato! Are you listening to a word I'm saying?" 

Yamato looked up tiredly, his thin face and startling blue eyes scrutinizing him behind long blonde bangs.

"Yes Dad."

It was an outright lie, and they both knew it, but his Dad just turned around, fumbling for the doorknob while putting on his coat. He winced as his father slammed the door behind himself, and closed his eyes, leaning heavily against the wall and biting his lip.

It was dark now and he wouldn't be back until late in the morning. He was all alone.

Yamato let down his guard and all the weakness and vulnerability flooded back as he sighed and licked his lips, sinking down onto his knees and curling himself into a tight ball. 

He rested his head onto his lap, his breathing soft. He wanted so badly to sleep, the cold bit out at him. Band practice had been running overtime lately and homework kept him up past reasonable hours. 

It was snowing outside. Winter. 

Something recoiled slightly inside him and Yamato shut his eyes. It had been so long and yet he still... He forced himself away from the thought, from the dull ache that had started in his chest.

He had a lot to do; he couldn't afford to dwell on little unnecessary things. His father would be drunk and in a sore temper when he finally returned. He couldn't risk getting on his bad side. The house was a mess and he had to cook the second round of dinner as well as breakfast before he came back, he'd gotten into trouble the last time he forgot. 

Yamato unconsciously touched his left cheek, as though the punch still hurt. He was cursed with pale alabaster skin, the kind that bruised easily and looked far worse than any injuries actually were.

He wished he could invite somebody over, the silence slowly pressed him in. He wondered vaguely whether Tai would still be awake, if he was thinking of him. He shook his head violently and gave a bitter smile. Tai didn't even remember him.

He'd begged and begged his father to go back to Odaiba for a visit. They'd moved away when he'd received a promotion. It'd meant that Yamato would change schools, move house and never see his friends again, but what was that when compared to hard solid cash and a stable job?

His father had finally agreed, but only because he had business to do there anyway. It'd been maybe two years since he'd been to Odaiba. Not much had changed. He remembered standing outside the school gates, anxiously waiting for school to let out. Tai would be so excited to see him, they'd chat for ages, and Yamato would give him his new address and phone number. It'd be great! Almost like he'd never left. He couldn't wait to see Tai's expression.

He'd smiled when he saw Tai running towards him, his eyes wide and his face twisted into that idiotic grin of his. Yamato had made the mistake of lifting his hand to wave. He'd rushed right past him. 

_Crack._

He remembered turning, confused and hurt. Tai had gone straight for the girl behind him. Sora.

Yamato's eyes stung and his heart sunk horribly. His cool façade vanished as he watched them. They were laughing and joking around, having a good time. Without him.

"Tai?" Yamato asked desperately, his voice low. Tai didn't hear him. He linked hands with Sora, shifting his backpack to the other shoulder, and they walked together down the street. 

_Crack. _

His vision blurred. Why was his face so wet? He touched his face. Tears. Yamato broke down. He punched the brick wall, barely aware of the numbing pain that enveloped his fist. _Why? Why are you the only person who can do these things to me? Why am I so affected by you? What have you done to me? I hate you Yagami Taichi, god I hate you. _

_Crack._

Tears streamed down his face and he sobbed into his hands, his whole body shuddering as the agony wracked through him. Blood smeared over his cheeks until it looked like his eyes were bleeding. 

_What did I ever do to you? Why are you doing this to me?!!_

Yamato was crushed. He ran blindly to the car when it pulled over, wrenching the door open and throwing himself onto the backseat, loud sobs escaping his lips. 

Who was he kidding? What had given him the vaguest idea that Tai would have missed him? Hell, what had given him the idea that Tai had thought so much of him in the first place? 

_Crack_.

Yamato didn't remember the trip back home, only that when he finally reached his room, he'd collapsed onto the bed and cried his heart out. 

_Shatter._

That's it for now...What do you think?


	2. Waiting

**Wishing You Were Here**

**Chapter 2 – Waiting**

A/N Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm so happy ^^. I tried to make this chapter a little longer but it's a POV one and I didn't want it to drag on. Hope you like! *fluff warning*

_Three years. It's been three long years Yama..._

Tai looked up from where he was sitting, alone in the middle of the park. Black ominous storm clouds leered from a distance.

_You didn't even say goodbye... I thought I had forever to tell you- but... Isn't it funny how I always prove myself wrong? _

He was completely still, eyes slightly unfocused, staring absent-mindedly into space. Thunder clapped, but it sounded so far away…

_That day- when you didn't come to school, I thought, maybe you had overslept or something. But then you didn't show the next day or the next, and I panicked. I don't think I ever realised until that point just how much you meant to me._

A smile played on his lips, and he batted distractedly at a strand of chocolate hair that had fallen into his eyes. The clouds inched a little closer.

_I went to your house that night, the lady next door told me you had left four days ago._

_There was this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach but the shock kicked in, keeping me from thinking about it. _

_I think I did the only thing I knew how to do; run. _

_I don't know where I ran, or how long I ran for, I just had to run. Run because if I concentrated hard enough on it, I could pretend that I hadn't heard; that none of this was happening._

_But then the shock wore off and all I felt was hollowness. I was completely empty, like there was nothing left. _

_And then there was this deep soul gripping fear. It ripped me up from inside and it _hurt_, Yama. It hurt so much I thought I was going to die. I wished__ I would die to make it stop. I didn't know what it was; only that it really scared me._

_But I know now. That fear Yama, it was the fear of losing you. _

_Because I needed you. I needed you because I loved you with everything I had and now I couldn't even tell you. It just- It just tore me up and I was thinking, all these times I could've told you but never did, I felt sick to the stomach._

_Now you'd never know how I felt inside. Nobody knew. Everyone just saw the outside of me; no one ever bothered to look closely. Nobody really and truly looked _at_ me. Nobody except you._

_And when the mask split, everyone was afraid. They were _afraid _of me Yama, all my friends, family- It didn't matter. They all let me down one by one because they didn't like what they saw. They didn't like the _real_ me, they only liked the mask._

_I didn't know what to do. I couldn't rely on anyone anymore. _

_At first I thought it was all your fault. You deserted me. I felt like I was losing everything I ever had._

_I had nothing left to live for. You were the entire reason for my existence; and you were gone, just like that._

_I was angry at you. Angry because you had just up and dumped me, and yet I missed you terribly. Angry at myself because I let you do that to me. _

_But I could never be angry at you for long._

_By that time, I was so wrapped up in my depression, Mum, Dad and Kari thought I would never be the same again. _

_Sora helped. She did everything she could as a best friend and it helped a lot to know that at least _someone _cared about me. _

_Eventually I got better. I still missed you but I think I realised that I couldn't stay like that forever. _

_It took a long time for me to trust anyone again. Sora encouraged me a lot and I was really grateful for what she'd done. But then it became obvious that she wanted to be more than friends with me and I couldn't accept it. I totally pushed her away. I avoided her at lunchtimes; I hung up when she tried to call. I know it was childish but I just couldn't handle it._

_I mean, how could she? I thought she was the only person to understand what I was going through, how much I loved- no _love- _you, but it turned out she didn't really. _

_It was ages before I even attempted to talk to her and only because Kari finally got impatient with me and screamed and shouted about how stupid and ignorant I was._

_Sound familiar Yama? I'll admit I only tried to talk to Sora because of those two words. Kari was right. I was stupid and ignorant. It only takes a few times for me to finally accept it. It didn't help that you were always telling me exactly that before you- well, disappeared. _

_It was like you had dropped off the edge of the planet. You didn't leave anything, no addresses, no phone number, not even an email. Takeru_ _didn't know anything; your _mother_ didn't know anything. Yama, she was your mother, for Christ's sake!_

_I asked everyone, even the people at the office. Nobody knew where you had gone. I _still_ don't know where you've gone. But I'm waiting Yama. _

_I'll always wait for you._

The sky cracked open and it started to snow.

~


	3. Dying Alone

**Wishing You Were Here**

**Chapter 3 – Dying Alone**

A/N This is a very angsty chapter. It's also very short but it needed to be to make a point. I think the quality makes up for it though. Thanks for the reviews! *Violence warning*

Yamato reached out and softly touched the glass photo frame. His expression was hard to read, longing and wistful. The picture was of him and Tai, Tai had his arm around his shoulder and he was half-scowling. 

He smiled. There had been no reason for the scowl, it was an appearance thing, he hadn't wanted anyone to guess he was bursting for joy underneath it all. He continued gazing hungrily at the picture, almost as if he could leap inside. _Tai..._

The door suddenly slammed open and Yamato's head jerked up, his whole body freezing. His father was standing in the doorway, his eyes wide and unseeing, a beer bottle swinging madly in front of him. 

Yamato's breathing came rapidly as he backed away slowly into the wall, still clutching the frame. Maybe if he tried hard enough-

"Yam-hic-ato! Come 'ere!" His words were slurred and his voice deafening. Yamato flinched and darted quickly into his room, cowering behind the bed. 

"Come 'ere!" came the call again. Yamato blocked his ears and gave a soft whimper. His eyes widened as he realised what he'd done and he clamped a hand over his mouth.

_Too late._

His father lumbered heavily into his room, his footsteps loud and foreboding. Yamato watched fearfully as he neared, he could almost smell the alcohol in his breath. He screwed his eyes shut.

_Please no._

"Gotcha!" 

His father jumped out at him and Yamato's eyes snapped open as he took him violently by the collar and slammed him repeatedly into the wall. He cried out in pain as he was lifted into the air by handfuls of wrenched hair and thrown out carelessly into the hallway. Tears streamed down against pale cheeks as he was held against the wall by the throat and he gasped as the world started to darken. The photo frame slipped from his fingers and splintered into a million pieces. His father let go. Yamato landed hard and spread-eagled on the ground and he bit down on his lips to stop himself from screaming as the broken shards cut into his skin. Blood.

_Someone help me. Please. Anyone._

He could see and hear his father's boots clunking on the floorboards. He shivered as they came up to his side. One boot pulled back. Yamato's eyes widened. A shriek escaped his lips as it hit into his ribs and he choked, groping blindly for something, anything, to end the agony. He let out a sob as more pain shot up his side and the boot made contact again. He felt something crack. 

_Tai..._

His father began kicking out relentlessly at him and he curled up into a fetal position, wrapping his arms around his stomach. 

"Stop. Please," he whispered. 

But it didn't stop. The throbbing blurred together until he couldn't tell when each blow ended and another began.   

He opened his eyes a fraction, reaching out with a trembling hand. His fingers shook as he picked up the picture. 

A black heel smashed down on his palm. 

Yamato felt an instance of unbearable agony, and he closed his eyes as the blackness closed in.

_Tai, where are you?_

~


	4. Forgotten?

**Wishing You Were Here**

**Chapter 4 – Forgotten?**

A/N This is sad in a different, distant sort of way...

Yamato couldn't move his fingers. Yamato couldn't move at all. 

Blue eyes were clouded over, hidden behind matted, blood-soaked hair. His whole body ached but he couldn't do anything to ease it. Nothing worked. He couldn't feel anything, not really. 

Red was smeared all over and his wounds continued to run. He could see them but felt oddly detached from the situation, his nerves wouldn't even let him feel himself bleed to death.

He should have been glad of the small mercy but instead, Yamato just felt deprived of yet another privilege in his life- if you could call it that. 

His reflection glared back at him from his bed of glass. A deep cut ran from the bottom of his eye down to his ear which smashed into a large multi-colored bruise. Two gaping slits spanned the length of his throat, making it look as though he had gills. If he tilted his head a little bit to the side, he could just make out the ugly mass of ripped flesh and caked blood that was his chest. 

But in some strange arcane way, Yamato felt safe; safe to know that no one would want to look at or touch him while he looked like this. No one, not even his father. Yet even then, Yamato knew that his father wouldn't be coming back. Not now, not ever.

He should have felt something then, relief or anger or bitterness. But there was nothing. Maybe he was too exhausted, but it seemed easier now, to just let things be. Yamato had found his void, the space inside where he couldn't be affected by anything anymore and he was willing to stay there, forever, if he had to. 

For now, he was satisfied, though he had to remain in that hated and vulnerable position. Yamato had a feeling that he had broken his spine, the sole reason to why he couldn't move, at all. He was surer still, that unless someone came to find him soon, he would die that way. 

But who would?

~~~~~

Tai woke up screaming. Cold sweat poured from his forehead as he jolted upright and kicked his sheets away, his whole being trembling. _Yama... _

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. No matter where he'd been, Tai had always felt some sort of connection with Yama, like he could feel his presence. But tonight, when he woke up, the connection broke. He couldn't feel Yama anymore. And all of a sudden, a tremendous loneliness gnawed at him. 

_Yama...Please be alright Yama._

"Tai?" 

Tai looked up wearily. "'Kari?" His sister was standing in the doorway, an expression of concern touching her features. She clutched onto the doorframe. 

"Are you okay Tai?" She quickly crossed the bedroom and had a hand on his forehead before he could protest. 

"I'm fine 'Kari." He smiled weakly at her and she smiled back, albeit cautiously. "Go back to bed."

She nodded, reassured, and turned, shuffling back outside and half-closing the door. "Goodnight Tai," she whispered. 

"'Night 'Kari."

Tai reached for his bedcovers, pulling them up to his chin. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. _'Night Yama... Wherever you are._

He didn't sleep that night.

~~~~~

"The police found an unconscious boy yesterday in an abandoned apartment. The boy, believed to be Yamato Ishida; was reported earlier to have been missing from school with no communication available from home, and was badly abused and in a critical condition. He was immediately transported to the local hospital and then transferred again to Odaiba's hospital for intensive care. More news tonight."     

The television set was never opened that day in the Yagami residence.


	5. A Father's Love

**Wishing you were Here**

**Chapter 5** **– A Father's Love**

A/N: sorry it took so long to update! this chapter is slightly longer but I had to leave it as it was. please review!!! oh and this is dedicated to mini-chan, aka honest-liar. I think all of my chapters from now on will be dedicated to somebody special, namely my reviewers ^^::

It was 5.00 in the morning. Tai was wide awake when the phone rang. He slipped out of bed and scuffled outside into the hallway, for lack of better things to do, picking up the receiver, ready to tell off whomever the idiot was at the other end of the line.

"T-Tai? It's me, Takeru..." His voice was hoarse and muffled. Tai growled and started to snap something. He stopped, frowning. 

"TK? Have you been crying?"

There was an awkward silence and then-

"W-what? No! Where'd you get that idea from? There's absolutely nothing wrong," Takeru mumbled unconvincingly.   

"Oh yeah sure," Tai muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "You called me at what- 5.00 in the morning?- because you felt like telling me there was nothing wrong- _and _you expect me to believe you?" He sighed. "Look TK, just spill the beans. What's the matter?"

"Tai- I think, I think 'nii-chan's in hospital..."

Silence. Tai's eyes widened slowly and he gripped hard onto the table, his knuckles turning white almost immediately. 

"What?" he asked very very quietly.

"I think 'nii-chan's in hospital," Takeru repeated shakily. 

"You thinkYama's in hospital? You _think? What do you mean, you __think?!"_

"Tai-"

"Where is he? What's he doing there?" 

"Tai-"

"God, what did he do?"

"Tai! Get a grip!"

Tai took a couple of deep breaths and forced the panic down. He pressed the phone tightly against his ear, unconsciously twisting the cord in his fingers. "Sorry. Go on."

"Tai- I'm- I mean, I'm not even sure it's him. It was on the news and he had the same name and everything- but there weren't any photographs- and Mum's completely ignoring it, I don't know what to do Tai- God, they said he was in a critical condition- and I just- Tai; I'm scared that 'nii-chan's gonna die."

His words came out in a rush and Tai bit down on his lip when he heard the last part, drawing blood. He licked his dry lips and tried to sound as sure as he could when he opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't be silly TK. You're not even sure it's really Yama right? And even if it was, he's already at the hospital. Everything's going to be fine. You'll be alright kid." Even to Tai, his words seemed false.

"No I won't."

Tai flinched. 

"How can I be alright if 'nii-chan's dead!? Don't lie to me Taichi; I'm not so little anymore." His bitterness stung. Badly.

"Don't talk as though the whole fucking world is against you Takeru Takaishi!" Tai hissed, suddenly angry. "You think you're the only one who misses Yama? You're wrong!!! How do you think I felt when his sick, bastard, sorry-excuse-for-a-dad took him away? How would you God damn feel if he did it again?! Because that's what we were about to do. Step aside and let him take Yama away from us. Again. And you know what? I'm not going to let him this time. He's not getting Yama without a fight." 

Tai paused for breath and sighed, clutching his temples. 

"Sorry-I shouldn't have-"

"No. Don't apologise Tai." 

"TK-"

"Please don't interrupt me," Takeru pleaded, "There's something important I have to tell you. If I stop now, I won't ever have the guts to tell you again."

Tai fell silent. Takeru took a shuddering breath.

"The-The reason dad and mum divorced? It was because- because dad hit us." The last words were spoken barely above a whisper and Tai had to strain his ears to hear them. His face drained of all colour and he struggled to control the pounding in his chest. 

"Fuck. Oh fuck you TK! Why didn't you bloody say anything?" Tai exploded. 

"Because I was too busy pretending that I was a perfectly normal kid!!! What kid wants an abusive father Taichi? And it's not even so bad for me because I was still little and I didn't remember everything he did, but Yama- God, Yama needed someone to keep him sane. I was that someone and then- and then he found you. But now-? Now 'nii-chan doesn't have anyone. I don't think dad killed him. I think dad killed him inside..." 

"You're wrong TK! Don't give up on him! You _are _hope, and without hope, there's nothing. Nothing, do you hear me?! Look, and don't even _try _to argue with me- I'm coming over right now. Don't move and- don't do anything stupid 'kay? Yama needs us."

Tai quickly dropped the phone and it fell to the floor with a clatter. He stepped over it and rushed to the door, flinging on a jacket. 

The door slammed behind him.

_Please be alright Yama..._

~

Comments? Suggestions? I think I've got a vague idea of where the next chapters coming from but-… eh, review anyway! ^.^

   


	6. Brown Hair, Chocolate Eyes

**Wishing You Were Here**

**Chapter 6 – Brown hair, Chocolate Eyes**

A/N I'm sorry this took so long!!! I felt the beginnings of a writer's block. aiiiiii~ _

White walls, white sheets, white masks, white coats, white ceiling. They all flew past in a blur as Yamato was pushed at blinding speed through doors that burst open at the slightest touch. He lay rigidly on the white trolley, counting the number of lights 'til they arrived, wherever they were going. 

The trolley veered right suddenly and Yamato was jerked to the left. White curtains were drawn around them and he blinked, watching with some interest the needle the nurse injected into his arm and the white liquid rushing through the tubes now attached to his wrist. 

Something was forced over his mouth and nose, and Yamato frowned, struggling against the uncomfortable mass of arms that reached over him. He heard a sharp barked order and something pricked against his skin, though he couldn't feel it. 

The peering faces suddenly began to swim and his eyes seemed to close on their own accord. He felt a light floating sensation as the dizziness subsided. He didn't remember falling asleep.

~~~~~

"TK! Open up!" Tai rapped his knuckles loudly on the wooden door. "Hey TK!"

Tai blinked as the door was pulled open suddenly. "About tim-…" he trailed off. 

It was TK's mum. She stared down at him, her forehead knitted in a frown. Tai immediately plastered a smile onto his face. "Good morning Ms. Takaishi!" he chirped, "Is TK home?"

"Takeru is busy." Cold; like ice. If he tried hard enough he could almost imagine-… No. This just wasn't the time. 

"But its Monday Ms. Takaishi!" he whined, cocking his head to one side. "School, remember? You said I could walk with TK today. You had something to do?" 

It was a long shot but there weren't many days TK's mum _didn't have something to do. Her forehead creased even further. _

"I don't recall- Oh! Oh of course! Yes, you boys run along now, I have somewhere important to- now where are my keys?"

TK bolted for the door like a lifeline and the blonde and brunette turned the street corner seconds later. 

~~~~~

"Er...Tai, did you bring any money?" 

Tai stopped halfway down the subway stairs and turned around, rolling his eyes. "What do you take me for? An idiot? Of course I- Shit!"

Takeru sighed. "We can always go back-?"

"There is no way in hell we are going through that again," Tai muttered, half-gesturing to the chaotic havoc, swarming crowds and heavy traffic. He peered carefully into a shop window. 12:30. 

He grabbed TK's hand and marched towards the crossing. "It can't be that far away…"  

~~~~~

Yamato decided he liked the hospital. The painkillers did their job well and there was no soreness at all. There were no small, dank apartments with leaking roofs, thin walls and peeling carpets. There were no cramped spaces to suffocate in. And best of all, there was no heartache. In his semi-conscious state, he couldn't focus on anything for long, his mind felt fogged and misty. All Yamato knew was that there was glorious light, and lots of it, his bed was next to the window. 

He felt relaxed and satiated as the drugs were continuously fed through the IV tubes, and he no longer had to force rubbery food that he couldn't stomach down his throat, that was fed through tubes as well. Everything was perfect. There was no torture at the hospital; everything was so peaceful and calm...  

But nothing good ever lasted for long. 

A few days after Yamato left intensive care and was moved to the recovery rooms, the police started to pour in and mill around the ward, staying back only because of the doctor's orders and the nurses' frequent warnings. But then the inevitable happened. They began to fire questions to and fro and Yamato was forced to lie through his teeth when the harder ones came. They wanted to trick him, to take him away from the nice place it had taken him so long to find. He wasn't surprised when his mouth knew all the answers.

"Did you see who attacked you?"

"No."

"How many people were there?"

"I don't know."

"Was anyone home with you?"

"No."

"Did anyone else see what happened?"

"No."

"How many people were there again?"

"I don't know."

The stream was endless and Yamato grew visibly weaker at every verbal blow. He didn't want to do this, he didn't want to leave. Why did they have to take him away? Why didn't they just leave him alone!? Yamato shrank wide-eyed back into the sheets and threw a glance desperately out the window. Anything, anything at all to save him...

Brown hair, chocolate eyes.

Shock. Then the blackness closed in.   

~Was it too hard to understand? I know it's pretty bad. I've got a cold XP. I hate getting sick. Newayz, review please!!!!


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